Your face is a jimmy john
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
