After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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