So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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