A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
