We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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