escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
