I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
