I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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