i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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