Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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