I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
