Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did i just pee glitter
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
