i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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