Have you finally orgasmed yet?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
