How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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