worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
