Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She bit a glass in half.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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