We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
