i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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