why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He passed out mid-signature
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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