I think my fart just growled at me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
