It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
