Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
