I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
