I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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