Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
