the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
