I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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