Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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