He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
