I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
