Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
