hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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