I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
