the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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