I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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