the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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