The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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