SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
