No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
