Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
