This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
