I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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