My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
