I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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