Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
