dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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