Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
