I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
