My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
