i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
