I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
