if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
