i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
